Dovahken
by Dracostarfire84
Summary: When a lowly butcher's assistant from Falkreath is sent on an errand he stumbles upon much more than he bargained for.


Chapter One

My name is Ken and I am a butcher's assistant from Falkreath. I am a nobody really, I stand about six feet tall I have sandy blond hair and green eyes. I wasn't native to Sakyrim, my parents were hookers from Brooma but were chased out because of witchcraft. Now I work for Lod as an assistent butcher in Falkreath.

"Hey you!" shouted an angry voic. I looked up and it was Lod, he was clutching a mop and a bucket in his hands and looked visibly angry. "Just what teh hell do you think you're doing?!" He demanded. "I was takking a break." I pleaded. "I don't pay you to take brakes you fool, now go clean up that blood in the kitchen!" He screamed, throwing a bucket and mop at me, and hurting my chest a little.

"Ow!" I cried as I got to my feet. I went into the kitchen as Lod had asked and when I went in there what I saw made me sick to my stomach. Puddles of blood and guts and entrails everywhere. There was dog meat, horse meat cat meat and even human meat. Some heads were lined up on the butcher block for display. After I regained my cumnposre I began cleaning away all of teh viscera and the bile in my mouth receded. Later after everything was all cleaned up and I was ready to go home Lod, that bastard stopped as I passed the door;

"Where do you think you're going?" He growled.

"Home", I replied. "My shift is over and I simply must return to mother she is sick and needs me to take care of her because of her illness."

"Not so fast!" Lod snarled, "First you gotta go deliver something to the Chieftain at Riverwood for me."

"Why?" I questioned angrily, "I just want to go home!"

"Because I need you to deliver this letter to Gerdur in Riverwood! You can go home after!" Lod screamed in my face angrily, froth flying into my agape maw.

I was furious! It was my fucking time-off and that bastard Lod wanted me to go out of my way to deliver some letter to some random idiot in Riverwood. Probably a love-letter or a sext, that perverted bastard!

I grabbed a makeshift sack of essentials, including lots of mead, goat cheese and sweet rolls and made my way to Riverwood. Along the way I encountered some drunks pissing and singing in the woods. One of them challenged me to a sing-off and allowed me to choose the song. Naturally I chose "Steal my girl" by One Direction, I won and he got mad and didn't want to pay up at first but his friend gave me a charmed amulet for singing so good and told me I should fly out to London to audition for the X-Factor.

I passed a bandit toll road near an abandoned house called Pinewatch. They started shooting arrows at me but I killed them with my magic.

Later I finally reached where I supposed to go and was at a crossroads, one direction led to Riverwood and the other led to some place called Helgen. I decided to go to Riverwood and get it over with, It was already late and I wanted to go home and go to sleep. Upon arrival a crazy old woman cried out something, I thought she called me a drag queen but she was screaming "dragon". I assured her that I was not a drag queen nontheless.

A gay bard/guy bumped into me with a sour look on his face; "Watch where you're going dickhead!" he shouted at me.

"You bastard!" I replied.

"Oh I'm sorry, I'm just so angry right now I can't help it!" He sobbed angrily.

"Well I have to be going...I have a message to deliver - " I explained.

"It's that fucking elf Faendal, he thinks he can woo Callista Venerius away from me!" He sobbed like an angry toddler.

"It's okay I am sure she will still just want to be friends anyhow." I assured the effeminate singer.

"No you don't understand, I hate elves they are evil, pointy, knife-eared bastards!" he shouted.

"I'm sorry about your problem but I have to go!" I pleaded.

"Please please stranger you have to help me, you have to get Camellia Venerius to leave that elf for good!" He cried.

"Okay," I relented finally. "If it will shut you up."

"By the eight praise you good soul, please just plant this um...dagger in Faendal's house and the rest will sort itself out I promise." He explained.

"What!?" I cried.

"Just break into his house and put this dagger in his bed somewhere." Sven demanded.

"What the hell!?" I yelled examining the dagger, which was red and dripping with fresh blood. "What the fuck did you do, who did you kill?!" I accused the bard.

"Wh-what? N-no one!" The bard stuttered. "I just needed the knife to perform the dark ritual and summon the dark brotherhood!"

"Oh my god and you're a stanist to boot?!" I shouted disgustedly, "Get the fuck away from me you freak and find someone else to be your patsy!"

Sven cried and ran away into the Sleeping Giant Inn, flailing his arms side to side like a Southern Belle. I saw Faendal carrying lumber and walked over to him,

"Hey is this your dagger?" I asked.

"That's my hunting knife, you found it!" Faendal cried happily.

"That bard wants to incriminate you with it and steal away your girlfriend." I warned him, "He sounds like a real asshole."

"Yea," Faendal said "he is."

"Hey do you know where the chief's house is?" I inquired.

"Gerdur? She lives in a fancy house next to the lumber mill." Faendal replied.

"Ok thanks."

With that I went on my way and approached the fancy house, I heard a ruckus coming from around the back of the house so I went around back to investigate and what I saw both shocked and disgusted me!


End file.
